The Break Up

I confessed to her that the toughest thing for me was to decide to be with someone for good. To decide that I will make the effort to stay and work things out and not run off the minute there is a problem is very difficult for me. I told her I could not be full with just one woman for the rest of my life. It was a lie but I said it anyway. She asked me if I thought I was a squirrel, collecting women like nuts to put away for cold winters. I thought it was quite funny. Then she said something that hurt my feelings. The tone changed drastically. Then I misunderstood what she was saying. I thought she meant she didn’t love me anymore and that she wanted to break up with me.
It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much. When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. Here it is. One more, one less. Another wasted love story. I really love this one. When I think that its over, that I’ll never see her again like this… well yes, I’ll bump into her, we’ll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we’ll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost. Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drunk up, fool around. Meet one girl, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well. There’s a moment in life where you can’t recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can’t live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else’s kisses.